Yesterday i got to ask my kids what they thought of the convention they just had. Response was 'really good'. I asked what was good? Daughter liked the drama but could not say why or what the lesson was... so i figure she liked it because it was more interesting than the regular talks. Son commented on the girls...nuff said.
I asked about the generation change and they had no idea of course what i was refering to. It really pisses me off how the CORP keeps them all so dumbed down.
Anyway, today i got an hour free with my son and took the chance to talk...
I started by telling him that i felt that i was running out of time with him as he gets older he will probably not visist so much and one day i'll be ringing him and saying how i haven't seen you for two months...i have so much i want to say, so much i want to pass on. That one of my biggest regrets was not being able to spend the time with him that i should have been allowed.
I asked what would happen if you told the elders you wanted to get baptised now? He said they would say good on you...I comented that he would then have to have a little study of some book, be able to answer a lot of questions and be regular in the door to door work...and hey presto, you'll get baptised. I explained how they would baptize him even if he really had no idea of what the religion is all about, past and present.
i asked him what did he think was the most importand decision he would ever make? marriage or baptism? He chose baptism. I asked how old he though you should be before getting married, he said much older than 18. I asked what do they mean in the publications when they say 'not to marry in the bloom of youth'? He said not to when you are young and silly. So i asked, why then will they baptize you, the most important thing you will ever do, while you are young and silly? You cannot just change your mind. We talked about the affects of disfellowshipping or changing his mind on family and future wife and in law families etc.
we talked about how easy it would be to get baptised for the wrong reasons, like to marry a girl who may be baptised and wants a white kingdom hall wedding...
I asked, How do you feel about your religion? Do you think it is the one true path to god? To which after a pause said he thought it was. I asked why he thought it was and he replied because it makes sense. I responded that if he went to the doors preaching and asked a seventh day adventist about their religion, they too would probably say 'it makes sense'. After all, who would admit to being in a religion that made no sense at all? (He did ask what is the seven d..what?)
So i asked if he knew anything about other religions and he knew nothing. I said, then, when you go door to door, what are you really doing? He responded that he would be trying to convert them and tell them armageddon was comming. So i said that means basically, you are saying to them ''you are wrong, we are right, join us or die''?!
How can you KNOW you are right and they are wrong if you know nothing about them? you have to investigate their religion, at least, know the basics of the belief system. How can you be sure you are right? Would you not have to research your own religion too? I said, they tell you to provre all things to yourself. What books will they tell you to research? He said, the ones they wrote. I asked why would you trust only one side of the story? Can you trust the history they wrote? What will the JWs chose if history disagrees with the bible? He said, the bible. I asked why and we discussed how revision in history works and that it could be possible for them to do the same. How do you know the history is right. that they have not left stuff out? He comented the only way is to research sources other than their own words.
we talked about the importance of using the internet and libraries to see the other side. What if you read something horrid, what then? Prove it true or false. If its true, can you live with it, was it an honest mistake? You must do that over and over again or how can you say you KNOW you are in the one true religion?
I said that it is really sad though, that you cant go to an elder or your mum and say you have been reading stuff and have lots of questions. They will shut you down, tell you that its all nasty lies, and to never look again. They should be telling you to do that research, that there is nothing to hide, but they wont. Why not? We reviewed an earlier talk about other religions control of the internet to hide stuff. I suggested that if he wants to look up stuff and ask questions, not to do it on his mums computer as she will make it real tough. Do it on mine...if you asked questions they will tell you that you can look at jw.org, but not 'this one or that one etc' ans again asked why would they do that?
He asked, so, i cant do that after i get baptised? I expalined about how the watchtower has gone as far as telling the JWs that they can not think things that the governing body has not told them. That to keep holding onto a though can lead to D/F.
I referenced an earlier talk where he had said he once asked his mum how they knew they had the truth, and her answer of 'read the proclaimers book'. I said, you are 16, youare old enough to drive, old enough to be working and paying taxes, in 18 months time you will be old enough to drink legally, to get married, you are old enough to know the truth, to ask your father why he thinks it is not 'the truth'. I remarked that he already knew that was my position, so why not ask me why?
I said, i would be happy for him to be a jW, but only if he really does the deep research and still feels its true. I said i can respect that, but not if its just because it ''seems right'' or to get married, or because all your mates are etc
It was a pretty big talk and i hope the foregoing is not too muddled! I'm sure i left a lot of stuff out. but i hope you get the gist of my efforts to make him think. I am scared that he will just go with the flow, as so many do...
I think the door is open for me to show him watchtower quotes and to discuss them. And to look at the real history of the society. I made a point of not telling him anything 'apostate'. All directed at making him think think think.
i plan to print out some watchtowers that i will show him come from the JW site talking about the thought control and asking what he thinks, second will be to take him back to russells day and beyond, using only names and events talked about by the WT and then using wiki and google to look at those people Barbour, storrs etc and events for the real facts. a slow but steady trawl thru history, warts n all, especially the warts!
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we spent the afternoon at the new property we will move to next week I made sure he knows that he always has a home with me if he needs it, we have plenty of room for him to build a shed if he wants to keep a car project there as well. He already has plans for the 2 acre paddock... rally bashing, motor bike...
he knows that i will have his back, no matter what his choices in life
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Thankyou all!
i like that comment on waiting till they break the silence before coming back in as method.
i do try to be a good life example, i know he knows how content i am!
there really is so much to share with him that sometimes it feels like i dont know where to start, so i really appreciate the input!
i will of course, keep you all updated.
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i agree about wiki...
i only want to steer him to stuff that can be substanciated, facts of history etc
rather than here-say and stories
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My kids come to visit each second weekend.
If they look at my files they could easy find my massive file on JW's (and i hope they have)
I have recently thought of leaving as a screensaver during the visits something like an old WT cover (say, the 1914 one) or a big ''JWFACTS.COM" accross it. Or perhaps some wt quote to get them thinking...or asking questions
in the hope of getting them to think more. Sort of like leaving something around on a coffee table...
but am afraid this may be too blatent...
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Update 14 nov 2010
Put jwfacts.com in the favorites bar that the kids use alongside facebook and some games they use...
After they had gone home i checked the browser history and found that one of them (daughter i suspect) opened the site once on saturday and once on sunday...
wonder what she thought or read!
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I have not posted stuff about my kids lately as i feel that one day, should they find this site, they may read about themselves... perhaps not good.
But, i have done so in the past so i will continue...
There has been a lot going on with my son with party behoviour and girls etc that has got him in hot water...anyone genuinely interested perhaps best PM me, as i dont want to post that sort of stuff about them now.
Anyway, the Nazis!
Daughter has been learning at school and telling me about the Nazis. In talking to her, i asked how was she learning this stuff... from history books. I reasoned with her that what may she have got about them has she only read Adolf's book and books by his supporters? She answered, only their side of the story. So i asked how is it you are learning the bad things then? who's books are they? She responded the people that did not like him, the ones that wrote about the crimes. I asked what if you had a certain sort of mind and only read his books? She answered then, you might believe him. Why is that i asked? Because he or his supporters would only write down the things they wanted you to know she replied.
so... do you think you can trust any written history of say, another country or religion? No, because they might only write down the good things or leave stuff out. So how will you find the stuff left out? The Internet. (loved that answer!) she added you would have to read the history as seen by those who dont like them.
I asked then, what she knew of the witnesses history. Very little (no surprise here) So added that in order to see the whole history you would have to look beyond their own writings then? Yes she replied. I said then, that might mean those who dont like them or who even used to be one then? Yes.
And what would you do if you read things that didnt sound right? You would have to research to find out for sure if it was true or not.
This is by no means a word for word transcript but i does give the gist of the conversation, that lead to talking about disfellowshipping, shunning, baptism, and a number of things i have forgotten including the need to investigate her own religion as well as those of others. Lots and lots of me asking questions to make her find answers. Perhaps the best thing is that i do have their permission to be talking about the witnesses with them, and they do know that i do not think they are the true religion. One good thing is that she knows that if she got baptised now, she cant just change her mind at 20 without some serious consequences.
On an end note, it really annoys me, but does not surprise me, how little the JW teens know about their own religion, and how subversive i feel trying to get them to a point where they will actualy question and LOOK.